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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in creatingthewake's LiveJournal:

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Monday, March 13th, 2006
3:19 pm
What a great weekend
ill save anyone who reads this the details. but ill jsut say that i spent about 99% of the weekend with Tanya, and it was fantastic. i did some special things to make her extra happy and fortunately they all worked!!! theres nothing i love more than making the girl of my dreams happy. i honestly couldnt dream up a better more incredible, perfect person. i love everything about her. i was so happy every second of this weekend, everything we did just made the smile on my face bigger and bigger. and i think she was feeling pretty much the same way which only made me that much happier! And i skipped work today to hang out with her too and so far so good. she had some chores and stuff to do, so i am pretty bummed that i am without her at the moment. but at the same time i am really looking forward to (hopefully) seeing that amazing beautiful girl later today.
in un-Tanya related news, we got our asses beat at hockey last night. depsite having 2 junior league players and the brad. we still took a 15-5 (i believe) beating. it was just own right embarassing. being the worst player on the team im not really one to ever place blame, but i think jon made about 6 saves all night. but eh, what can you do? maybe next week, or next session. Anyways i read some amusing stuff online too, and saw pictures of Janzens new gf. (which im glad he got for a few reasons, one me beginning to question his heterosexuality, along with a few other reasons too). both of which i found quite comical to say the least. both were nice suprises to lift my spirits while i am missing Tanya. I know it sounds lame that im saying im missing her after not being with her for like 3 hours, but i really do miss her so much.
thats all for now. oh wait before i forget, just in case anyone reads this and is interested, greg has a new lady friend named "moose". hahahahaha.

Current Mood: happy
Wednesday, November 16th, 2005
5:26 pm
a survey i stole fro Tanya
1) Where did you graduate from and what year? North Tonawanda High School, 2000

2)Did you have school pride? school school pride no, but thinking that we were better/cooler than other schools yes

3) Was your prom a night to remember? i spent it in the metal pit i believe

4) What was your fav. song you danced to the night of PROM? wasnt there, but there was prolly some Metallica on in the pit

5) Do you own all 4 yearbooks ? correctamundo
6) Do you remember the first CD you ever bought? the fist tape i ever bought was the guns n roses you could be mine single, cd not sure

7)What was your fav. movie in high school? in hihg school........i dont believe i really had one back then

8) What was your number 1 choice of College in HS? UB cause it was the closest, but i actually wanted to take a year off

9) What radio station did you jam out to in highschool? 1033, and sadly kiss

10) Were you involved in any organizations or clubs? i was in national honor society for a breif moment, but had to quit due to swimming

11)What was you fav class in high school? any class that Cook taught

12) Who was your big crush in high school? overall, Brandi Trapasso, but thats long since changed

13) Would you say you've changed a lot since high school? yes not quite a 180 degree turn around but some where around 117 degrees

14) What do you miss the most about it? having summers off

15) Your worst memory of HS? waking up

16) Did you have a car ? last half of senior year

17)What were your school colors ? red and blue and our mascot was a stupid Lumberjack. Go Jacks!

18) who was your fav. teacher? COOK!!!!

19) Did you own a cell phone in highschool? i think i did for about the last five seconds

20) Did you leave campus for lunch? ha no

21) if so, where was your fav. place to go EAT? the beautiful cafeteria


22) Were you always late to class? rarely, i was pretty good about it

23) Did you ever have to stay for Sat. School? never.

24) Did you ever Ditch? every so often during my career then every friday for the last 2 onths of senior year

25) Were you a senior superlative? if you mean super senior, then no

26) When it comes time for the reunion will you be there? not a chance
Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005
12:22 am
Last Game at Milsher
our last game at milsher was tonight. definitely the funniest game of the year. we had n goalie, so charlie our best offensive player had to play goal. needless to say we were doomed from the start. I was the first sub and by the time i hit the "ice" for the first time the score was allready 3 or 4 to zero them. So, on my first shift, get crossed checked right across the chest and arm, no big deal, it may have been an honest mistake. Later on that shift im playing defense and moce to block a shot, the shot goes high so i move my hand to block it. i miss judged it and took it off the inside of my hand. at the time i didnt think anythign of it, but sometime during the second half i took my glove off to fine my hand bleedin all over the place. i just hope its not broken.
anyways later in the game this kid from the other team takes a bit of an extra chop at charlie when he covers the puck. brian was right there and kinda shouldered the guy, just a nudge, to show him not to do that. The kid replies dont start shit cause you suck and slashes/trips brian super bad. at this point me and charlie come up after the kid and the whole im trying to figure out if hes serious. then charlie says somethign to him and the kid replies "watch out, ill trip your dumb ass too". now, as im closing in on this kid, i am really trying to figure out if i should be laughing at him or punching his face off. i couldnt tell if it was a taunt, a joke, or just the worst taunt ever(which i think it was). anways i never made it to the kid the refs broke up the scuffle and the duecher got a penalty. we endend up getting beat like 15-3. we pretty much gave up the second half. so yeah a little uninteresting, butwanted to tell the story of that kid, wondering what anyone thought

Current Mood: more so injured
Monday, May 2nd, 2005
1:04 am
i am writing this journal now because i am way too wired to sleep. I am shaking like a crack must when he needs a fix. why? i have no idea. not because i am going through any sort of withdrawl, but i am just really on edge for no particular reason. I mean the drive home sucked bad as usual, but its no reason to mess me up this bad. I put a bagel in the toaster and when it popped it scared the shit out of me, imust have jumped a foot in the air. so anyways for one reason or another i am a mess right now and feel like crap. Despite spending a great weekend witth Tanya. I love that girl so much.

In other news, i think ,y parents have been infected with a horrible disease. I saw a note on the table saying they went to see a certain scumbag play (a concert). SA-WEET. If my parents tirn into hippies i am not going to be happy to say the least, but at the rate at which i am shaking and super anxious for some reason i wouldnt doubt if i was hullicinating.

Now i am going to go lay in bed wide awake for an hour or so.

Current Mood: anxious
Saturday, April 23rd, 2005
1:06 am
i cant say it enough, i am wholly miserable

Current Mood: worried
12:54 am
i feel sick to my stomach right now
i feel completely sick to my stomach right now. not because i am physically ill, but mentally, just horrible. there are a number of reasons that could be causoing this and none of them are good. i miss Tanya so badly, i havent seen her in two weeks and we've been having a rough time at best. i am trying as hard as i can to make things work and fix up any bad spots, but she is really having a tough time. and it has been weighing on me. i am not mad at her in the least, i mean she has done some thigns to make me angry, but i love her and i forgave her. its just that she has been doing so poorly, i really wish i could help her. it seems that nothing i do works and she blames herself instead of just trying to fight past it. and seeing her so upet has completely brought me down and madew me so upset. and not being able to be with her hasnt helped much either. i just wish i could do something to magically fix this because it has been very tough on both of us. i just have been feeling down all day. i mean i have some decent things going, but it seems that my problems in my life are completely out weighing the good. The Tanya problems have taken a large toll on me, but i dont really think they are the root of my misery. I have no doubt in my mind that i want to be with her for a very long time, and it kills me to se her like this. I love her so much, it is such a string feeling, but seeing her so upset with herself is killing me. and the personal stuff, i dont know where to begin. just a lot of shit going on making me miserable. (the car, my parents, work, this hockey mess, my fat gut, and my mental standing) i just hate it all right now. and Tanya if you read this - please dont be so hard on yourself. I love you with my entire heart and soul.

Current Mood: sad
Sunday, April 17th, 2005
3:44 pm
wow, i guess things can just get worse and worse

Current Mood: crushed
3:39 am
i hate my life
for about the past three or four days my life has really gone down hill. I havent really had much fun doing anything. there have been some decent spots, but for the most part i have felt pretty crappy. i have trouble falling asleep at night, yet in the morning i feel like i could sleep for days. Today i woke up around 530pm. Because i was super tired as well as being super depressed. and even then , i just laid there for a litel while trying to find a reason to get out of bed. it turns out that i wouldve just been better off in bed. i spoke to Tanya for a little bit and she told me about how much ive hurt her and neglected her, which unfortunately is true. i didnt do any of those things on purpose, they just kinda happened. she had been having a rough week, and i had failed to cheer her up. so needless to say our conversations this week werent the greatest. And unfortunately for the most part, I am the one who was at fault. So despite going out, this was on my mind all night and just brought me right down. i sat there completely miserable with everyone around me having fun. and other than greg very unsucessfully trying to pick up a girl in a "Faster Easter" shirt, i dont think i even cracked a smile. So, no i am here unable to sleep once again and completely miserable. So yeah, like i said in the title "why wold anyone want to reade this?" Welcome to my shitty life most of which the problems and downfalls are brought on by none other than yours truly. I cant see any reason anyone would want to read this. for the most part most of my entries are about me and making myself more and more unhappy becausse of yet another problem i have created. So i apologize to anyone who may have mistakenly red this hoping for something interesting or something other than misery. And Tanya, i am so sorry that i do these things to you. I really try hard to be a good boyfriend and make you happy. I guess im just not good enough. I really hope we can get past this horrible week and things will be back to normal because this is crushing me.

Current Mood: depressed
Thursday, April 14th, 2005
11:23 pm
endless missfortune

Current Mood: gloomy
Monday, April 11th, 2005
10:18 pm
What would you do if...
» I committed suicide:
» I said I loved you:
» I kissed you:
» I lived next door to you:
» I started smoking:
» I stole something:
» I was hospitalized:
» I ran away from home:
» I got into a fight and you weren't there:

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
» Personality:
» Eyes:
» Face:
» Hair:
» Clothes:
» Self:

[1] Who are you?
[2] Are we friends?
[3] When and how did we meet?
[4] How have I affected you?
[5] What do you think of me?
[6] What's the fondest memory you have of me?
[7] How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?
[8] Do you love me?
[9] Have I ever hurt you?
[10] Would you hug me?
[11] Would you kiss me?
[12] Would you do me?
[13] Are we close?
[14] Emotionally, what stands out?
[15] Have you ever hurt me?
[16] On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?
[17] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
[18] Am I loveable?
[19] How long have you known me?
[20] Describe me in one word.
[21] What was your first impression?
[22] Do you still think that way about me now?
[23] What do you think my weakness is?
[24] Have you ever been mad at me?
[25] What about me makes you happy?
[26] What about me makes you sad?
[27] What reminds you of me?
[28] What's something you would change about me?
[29] How well do you know me?
[30] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
[31] What when you hear it, reminds you of me?
[32] Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?

Current Mood: crappy
8:56 pm
[] I've run away from home.
[X] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[] I don't like Bush because from what I hear, he is dumb.
[X] I don't like Bush with my own reasons to back it up.
[] I am for Bush.
[] I really don't care either way.
[] I listen to political music.
[] I collect comic books.
[X] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[] I open up to others easily.
[] I am keeping a secret from the world
[] I watch the news.
[X] I own over 5 rap CDs. Well, probably
[] I own an iPod or MP3 player
[x] I own something from Hot Topic--a few shirts with the highlight being an eric cartman one.......hehehehe
[] I love [old school] Disney Movies.
[x] I am a sucker for hair/eyes--Sometimes
[] I don't kill bugs.
[x] I curse regularly.
[] I paid for that cell phone ring.
[] I am a sports fanatic.
[] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[] I've slipped out an "lol" in a real conversation.
[] I love Spam.
[X] I bake well.--(decently)
[x] I would wear pajamas to school.
[] I own something from Abercrombie.
[X] I have a job. sweet ass PPC
[] I love Martha Stewart.
[] I am in love with love.
[] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I am self conscious.
[x] I like to laugh.
[] I smoke a pack a day. Oh, man, AT LEAST
[] I loved Perks of Being a Wallflower.
[] I loved Go Ask Alice.
[x] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem and I have
[] I eat fast food weekly.
[x] I have many scars.--
[x] I've been out of this country.--to canada if that counts
[] I believe in ghosts
[X] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.--oh god! this freaks me out-almost more than ghosts!
[x]I am really ticklish.--
[] I see a therapist.
[x] I love white chocolate.
[] bite my nails
[x] I am comfortable with being me.
[x] I play video games.--not a ton....
[] I'm single
[] Gotten lost in my city. --
[X] Saw a shooting star--a few times
[x] Been to any other countries besides the united states-- if you can count canadaland, then yes
[] I Had a serious Surgery
[x] Gone out in public in your pajamas
[x] I have Kissed a Stranger.--more times than id like to admit
[] Hugged a stranger--yeah I guess
[x] Been in a fist fight- way, way, way, too many
[]Been arrested
[] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator--no, i need to be wherever im going asap
[] Made out in an elevator--.
[X] Swore at your parents.
[X] Kicked a guy where it hurts--sadly yes, but that was a long time ago
[x] Been close to love --I am already there.
[] Been to a casino
[] Been skydiving
[X] Broken a bone--head, arm, numerous fingers, teeth.......
[x] Skipped school --yes, i am a badass
[] Flashed someone
[] Played spin the bottle--
[x] Gotten stitches
[x] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour - if not, probably very close
[] Bitten someone
[x] Been to Niagara Falls--and it sucks balls.
[x] Gotten the chicken pox
[] Kissed a member of the same sex --
[x] Crashed into a friend's car - a few times
[] Been to Japan
[] Ridden in a taxi
[X] Shoplifted
[X] Been fired- only once
[x] Had feelings for someone who didnt have them back - yes, but then i returned the favor years later
[X] Stole something from your job--the list is huge
[] Gone on a blind date--
[x] Had a crush on a teacher--i guess you could call it a crush
[] Celebrated mardigras in New Orleans
[] Been to Europe
[] Been married
[] Gotten divorced
[] Had children
[X] Saw someone dying--random people
[] Been to Africa
[x] Driven over 400 miles in one day --hahahahaha yes, alot
[x] Been to Canada--i think this is the third time this has been on here.
[] Been to Mexico--
[x] Been on a plane- once
[x] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show --sadly, yes
[X] Thrown up in a bar--suprisingly no, i usually like to wait till im in the car or parking lot
[x] Eaten Sushi
[] Been snowboarding
[] Been Skiing
[x] Met someone in person from the internet--only child molesters
[] Been to a moto cross show
[] Lost a child--i wish
[x] gone to college
[] Graduated college
[] Done hard drugs
[x] Taken painkillers
[X] Had someone cheat on you--im batting 100% so far, but this time it might be different
[x] Miss someone right now--of course, she is 3 hours away from me
[] Eaten a stick of butter

Current Mood: worried
8:53 pm
Your name alone strikes fear into others; but maybe, just maybe, there's a little vulnerability and weakness beneath that stoic, fierce exterior of yours.

Current Mood: drained
Tuesday, March 22nd, 2005
10:56 pm
its funny becasue its true
sallytenn: oh, and my other favorite part is when she tells me at the end to not bring up Robert or you
sallytenn: but she def. brought him up
creatingthewake: hahahahahahahahahaha
creatingthewake: i know!!
sallytenn: because she had to say he was sitting right there
creatingthewake: and what else do you have in common at this point
creatingthewake: exactly
sallytenn: like that would stop me from saying anything or make me jealous
creatingthewake: hahahahahahahaha
creatingthewake: im sure it made you very jealous
creatingthewake: it made me jealous too
creatingthewake: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
sallytenn: i mean, it is like me throwing out a rotted vegetable and her runnin to my garbage can and grabbing it out, showing me what she has
creatingthewake: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
sallytenn: i'm like "uhhh.....i threw that out--you might not want to have it."
creatingthewake: i have to post that in my journal!!!!!
sallytenn: exactly the same thing
creatingthewake: hahahahahahahahahahahaha
creatingthewake: is it ok if i post that?
sallytenn: sure!

Current Mood: jubilant
8:31 pm
another journal stolen from Tanya, stolen from caroline
A - Age: 22

B - Best Quality: extremely loyal

C - Childrens show you still watch(and enjoy): none star wars if that counts

D - Dream Date: anywhere and anytime as long as im with Tanya

E - Elephants?: smell horrible

F - Favorite Food: pizza is always a safe bet

G - Greatest Accomplishment: i have no idea

H - Happiest Day of Your Life: june 12th 2004, july 7th 2004, aug 4th 2004

I - Internal Conflicts: Far too many to list

J - Jury Duty: got out of it once

K - Kool-Aid: usually far too sweet

L - Love: Tanya

M - Most Valued Thing I Own: i am far too poor to own anything of value

N - Name: steve

O - Oldies band you love: steeley dan (if that couts as oldies)

P - Pizza Topping: pepperoni, chicken finger pizza, mushrooms

Q - Question You Want To Ask: how did brian get to be so lame?

R - Road Trip: Toronto

S - Sport To Watch: HOCKEY

T - Television Show: south park, reno 911, seinfeld, that show with christopher lowell

U - Unique Habit: crapping my pants like there is no tomorrow

V - Voice: mine? Tanyas - hands down

W - Winter: cold = fine, snow = sucks fat hairy balls

X - X-rays?: too many to list

Y - Your Name If You'd Been Born The Opposite Sex: hanners

Z - Zodiac Sign: virgo

Current Mood: annoyed
Monday, March 21st, 2005
6:38 pm
a survey type thing i copied out of Tanyas journal
A - Age you got your first kiss: All I know is that it was first grade, and another one didnt come for a long time after that
B - Band listening to right now: Madball
C - Crush: My TANYA!
D - Dad's name: Rick
E - Easiest person to talk to: Tanya (and joelie)
F - Favorite bands at the moment: Madball, the JEW
G - Gummy worms or gummy bears?: bears!
H - Hometown: North Tonawanda!
I - Instruments: skin flute
J - Junior High: lowry leopards. fuckers
K - Kids: as slaves?
L - Longest car ride ever: florida
M - Mom's name: shyla
N - Nicknames: chapman? and any pet name Tanya has for me
O - One wish: to be the next michael jordan
P - Phobia[s]: nothing and most things all at once
Q - Quote: "I am Bulrog. Tough Brute ninja who is dedicating his life to eradicating the world of hippies." (that i stole from Tanya)
R - Reason to smile: Tanya, and Brian being number 1
S - Song: alot right now, songs that Tanya and i have, the authority song,....(and ALWAYS "thank you" by Led Zepplin ;-D0)
T - Time you woke up [today]: approximately 745
U - Unknown fact about me: i dont have an index finger sized weiner
V - Vegetable you hate: califlower, beets, and a few others
W - Worst habit(s): crapping my pants, and not knowing when to stop
X - X-rays you've had: teeth, arm, hand, head. prolly more
Y - Yummy food(s): meat - although im trying to cut back
Z - Zodiac sign: virgo

Current Mood: new south park!!!
Thursday, March 10th, 2005
8:49 pm
hippies
sallytenn: Here we see a photo from 1972. Photos from this era are tricky to analyze, whether it's a group of spoiled college idiots, Crosby Stills and Nash or the founding engineering team at Microsoft The problem: dirty hippies look like all other dirty hippies.

Current Mood: amused
Monday, March 7th, 2005
11:27 pm
hockey
scored a goal tonight. all i can say is its must be pretty embarassing to be the other team.

Current Mood: crappy
8:38 pm
cousin joelie
DRJPISTOL44: did u hear bout what happened over the weekend
creatingthewake: with?
DRJPISTOL44: w/ the huge paerty that got busted
creatingthewake: by the cops?
DRJPISTOL44: yeh
DRJPISTOL44: 54 summons
DRJPISTOL44: and i was gonna go good thing ididnt
creatingthewake: who was there?
DRJPISTOL44: 17 kids i graduated w/
creatingthewake: wow
creatingthewake: how did you find out about this?
DRJPISTOL44: its on the front page news of the tona paper
DRJPISTOL44: and a bunch of my friends were there
DRJPISTOL44: 14 kids tried hiding from the cops
creatingthewake: wow
DRJPISTOL44: yeh


now why that jackass would tell me this is beyond me. not only was he not there, but he didnt even really know anyone there. can it get any dumber? i think not

Current Mood: annoyed
Wednesday, March 2nd, 2005
10:01 pm
............
i was hoping that i would never have to do a journal, where i felt this shitty again. but here it is....

i am continually angering and upsetting Tanya. It kills me everytime i do it. No matter how big or small the problem, i always wind up completely crushed. And tonight i really did it. I cooked dinner with and ate dinner with Tanya's sworn enemy - Robert. Now, this was not my choice, but brother greg invited him. So in order for me to eat any sort of food, i had to cook and eat dinner with greg adam shana and robert. i knew Tanya wouldnt be happy, but i had no idea it woudl be to this level. And seeing her so angry and upset has crushed me. Although I never meant to do that to her I still really hurt and dissapointed her. And i am crushed because I did that to the person most important to me. I cannot go on like this, hurting the most important perosn to me, the girl i love, Tanya. Each time i manage to upset her I get more and more angry and upset with myself. This cycle is killing me and tonight really made it worse. I was doing so good. and now i am completely miserable.

Current Mood: crushed
Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005
5:04 pm
........i have been better

Current Mood: depressed
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